Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
