does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize