dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
