Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
