theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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