i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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