I accidentally had phone sex last night
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
