all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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