Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
