I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
