I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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