Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.