Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual