Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form