Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her