Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.

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  (815): I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair. http://tfl.nu/f22e
  Replies (12) Good night (594) Bad night (3825) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.

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  (506): I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why. http://tfl.nu/rcz3
  Replies (18) Good night (4826) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.

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  (630): Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best. http://tfl.nu/ljti
  Replies (20) Good night (6893) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?

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  (765): Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband? http://tfl.nu/o4li
  Replies (178) Good night (1638) Bad night (14405) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.

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  (252): this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats. http://tfl.nu/6vwk
  Replies (64) Good night (5087) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..

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  (718): i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share.. http://tfl.nu/5uhy
  Replies (11) Good night (3465) Bad night (1031)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.

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  (505): There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm. http://tfl.nu/k80u
  Replies (5) Good night (3157) Bad night (812)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw

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  (717): looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw http://tfl.nu/7d00
  Replies (5) Good night (3393) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again

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  (816): Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again http://tfl.nu/gicy
  Replies (6) Good night (3310) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.

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  (818): He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year. http://tfl.nu/aaaw
  Replies (8) Good night (605) Bad night (2440) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before

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  (480): I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before http://tfl.nu/7hf6
  Replies (12) Good night (741) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick

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  (607): You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick http://tfl.nu/kpxh
  Replies (18) Good night (2912) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?

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  (817): I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join? http://tfl.nu/sbfg
  Replies (11) Good night (1321) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?

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  (505): Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake? http://tfl.nu/87n8
  Replies (4) Good night (745) Bad night (641)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.

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  (614): Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich. http://tfl.nu/2wq9
  Replies (7) Good night (594) Bad night (201) Order T-Shirt

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