he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
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I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.