i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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