First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
