the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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