All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
In America we eat man semen.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just want to make out with him forever
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
