he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
