So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
