Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
