We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize