She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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