Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
