I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
