hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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