You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
