why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
