You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
