Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
