I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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