Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
