I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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