At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
