I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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