I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
