The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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