Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
