2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
