This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
