My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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