i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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