well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
