So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
