he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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