low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
