so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
