Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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