dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
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They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
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Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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