How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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