I hate all girls vehemently.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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