It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
