umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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