Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
