Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
