nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
