Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
