So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
