i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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