Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
