Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
