worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
