Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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