I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
