Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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