apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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