Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
