I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
