If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
