Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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